Happy due date, babies

Well today is November 24th, my full term, 40 week due date. It is so strange to really think about carrying the boys full term and delivering them today. I knew from the beginning that we wouldn't go full term, but now that the boys have been born for 13 weeks I cannot even fathom it! Trust me, I would have rather carried them a lot longer than I did. I was extremely disappointed to deliver at 27 weeks. I felt so guilty and inadequate. Shortly after they were born, I would look at them in their isolettes, with wires and tubes and struggling to breathe, and it would bring tears to my eyes knowing that it was all my fault and I put them through all of this by going into labor so early. If I could have carried them longer, even by just a week, their NICU time probably would have been shorter and they would have been much more well equipped for life outside the womb. Every mother wants the very best for her baby(ies) and it's terribly heartbreaking to know that you've caused any harm or pain to them and given them a harder path in life than they deserve. They say that "mommy guilt" starts as soon as they're born, and I can attest. My mommy guilt was very strong and so much more devastatingly real than the guilt of realizing you waited too long to change a diaper or feed a baby or that you put him/her in daycare. My mommy guilt was close to being on a life and death level for my babies. I think a lot of NICU moms can probably relate. These boys have come out of that ordeal like true fighters and set my mind and heart at ease with how well they've done and how far they've progressed. They have made up for my shortcomings as a maternal safehaven and womb for them. I love them so much and my heart swells with pride for them.

We had an appointment with our pediatrician on Friday and once again got a good report. Their growth chart is following a healthy curve and she said their actions, bodies, and everything she can see indicates that they look like normal, healthy newborns, just as they should be at this time in their lives. 

Updated weights and lengths:

Stokes - 6 lb, 14 oz; 19 1/4" long

Ryan - 6 lb, 12 oz; 19 1/2" long

William - 6 lb, 10 oz; 19" long

Pretty standard newborn sizes! Go boys!

Just think...if I had carried them full term, I would have had almost 21 lb of baby in my belly! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

Happy full term due date & 13 week birthday to these sweet, beautiful and precious miracles from God!

On another note, I saw this video on Facebook and if you have a few (7) minutes you should watch it. It's very touching and beautiful, but keep the tissues nearby!!! It tracks a NICU baby's life from birth through his first birthday and is incredibly sweet. :) This video is something I can totally relate to (at least the first part since we are only 13 weeks old!). I watched it while I was holding Ryan and I was just letting the waterworks flow and holding and hugging Ryan and thanking God for him and his brothers.