Awkward Interactions

I've had many conversations with close friends and family about this topic, but I recently read a Facebook rant about a rude comment and it made me realize that I should post on this blog about this topic, in addition to talking to my circle.

What's the topic? And what's the post title "Awkward Interactions" all about? Well, it happens quite often that some well meaning person will attempt to talk or interact with Ryan and then waits for reciprocation from him. I, typically, just jump in and try to minimize the awkwardness, but I never really know how to respond and am possibly making it worse.

For those of you who don't know (if this pertains to anyone reading the blog), Ryan has fairly severe developmental delays. He has been diagnosed with Pachygyria, and his brain did not form like a normal brain very early on in utero. He is non-verbal and does not walk yet. While he is very sweet and loves being around people and attention, he doesn't necessarily pick up on cues and he doesn't "interact" in a typical way that a three year old would. To complicate things, he looks fairly "normal", for lack of a better word. He's not in a wheelchair at this time and does not have any distinguishable facial features that make his delays and special needs very obvious, at least in my eyes! I do notice people looking at him, but I usually think it's because he's so beautiful, not out of curiosity of his special needs. I do realize that I'm biased and possibly a bit naive, but look at him! He's so gorgeous and at least to these mama's eyes, I would not automatically know that he's delayed if I didn't know him.

These are a few pictures that his teacher took at his special needs school. *swoon*

So that brings me to the situation. People will see this sweet, little handsome fella and will come up and ask him his name, or say, "give me a high five!" and put their hand up. I know that they mean well and obviously don't think he's as delayed as he is, but it's very awkward because he will not speak and has only done a high five a few times, ever. I can see the person's mind starting to question what the deal is and wonder why he isn't responding. I get nervous. That's when I jump in and say, "My  name is Ryan!" or I will grab his hand and do the high five for him. It is awkward. I am not sure what people think. They may think that I'm overshadowing him and not letting him be him. Or maybe they pick up on the cues and realize he needs help to do these types of things. They may wonder what is "wrong" with him. I just don't know. Sometimes I think, maybe I should just tell them that he's special needs. Or offer some sort of explanation instead of trying to cover it up. But then I think if I did that, it might possibly make that person feel uncomfortable for trying to be friendly towards him or embarrassed that they approached him, which I definitely don't want. They also may not want to hear me ramble on about pachygyria or developmental delays - that can easily turn into an hour conversation in no time! Then oftentimes the tears come. I want people to treat him in a totally normal way, but the reality is that he will not respond in a totally normal way right now. So, it just turns in to a somewhat awkward interaction and I always walk away wondering if I handled it in an appropriate way or if I should have done something different. It's hard to know.

Luckily for us, all of the awkward encounters we've had like this have been totally well-intentioned and sweet. It's all coming from a good place, even if it creates some uncomfortable moments (and hopefully it's just me that's uncomfortable, not the other person!). It happens with people that want to be around him and want to interact with him. I can't blame them for that. We've had ZERO rude comments or negative situations at this point and I'm so grateful. I do not know how I would handle it. I honestly don't. I've heard too many sad stories of other mamas and their special needs kids getting unnecessary judgement or criticism from someone that has no idea what they're saying. It can be very hurtful. It tears me up to hear these stories. So I will take awkward over rude any time, any day!

Anyway, it is what it is. I don't know if I'm reacting the "right" way or maybe in the best way. It usually just happens in the moment. There may come a day when Ryan's special needs become more obvious to a stranger or a casual acquaintance, and that will bring its own challenges, I'm sure. For now, we'll keep trucking along. I'm sure I'll continue to wonder if I respond well enough. I will continue to read posts to see what other people do and say and see if I can come up with something better, something smoother, less klutzy and more graceful. If any of you have been impacted by my awkwardness around these situations with Ryan, I'm sorry. I hope you didn't feel uncomfortable. But now at least you know that I'm aware, I just don't know how to do better. And by the way, THANK YOU for focusing on my sweet boy. He loves the attention!!!